Season 8 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta is proving to be the most difficult season to watch. While it is still one of my favorite guilty-pleasures, I'm having a really hard time watching Kandi Burruss lose her soul. It is literally seeping from her pores with every new episode of this season.
Before all you Kandi-koated stans start coming for me...hear me out. I genuinely was a fan of Kandi's. I legit respected her hustle and thought of her as a fantastic entrepreneur. She might be your fav, but you have to admit that each season, this monster called reality TV our fun-loving home-girl from around the way into a shorter, (albeit more talented) version of Nene Leakes. She has gone from the ultra-talented singer who promoted her businesses and used to be considered “Switzerland” of the housewives to this bitter, petty drama queen who acts like she's ring-leader of The Plastics (if you somehow missed that 2004 reference to Mean Girls, its ok….just click the link and catch up). The more I watch her on television, the less respect I have for her and her brand.
It's sad. Really, it is.
What is most disturbing is watching all the examples of Kandi's lack of loyalty. I mean, season after season, it just seems like it's one loyalty issue after another.
Here are 5 times Kandi Burruss showed us she's not a real friend:
5. When Kandi's Mom Spread Rumors About Kandi's Best Friend
It's one thing when your mother doesn't like your friends. It's a completely different ball game when your mother spreads rumors and attempts to fight your best friend in the whole world. Momma Joyce was very vocal with her public slander of Todd and Carmen. Kandi's public defense of the two of them was weak at best. Not once did she publicly go to her mom and say, “What you said about my furture husband and my best friend was wrong. Although I love you, you were dead wrong for that.” Her defense was nothing more than a half-hearted brush off of her mother's antis.
When you really love someone, you defend them and protect them when they are being falsely lambasted.
4. The AJ Jewell Situation
Now, that Kandi's married to Todd, we almost forgot about her previous relationship. This was another example where she failed to publicly stand up for someone she loved when a member of her family was delivering demeaning comments. While I don't ever advocated disrespect (I am still a Southern girl), there is a respectful way to express to your mom that her behavior and words are not okay.
3. Phaedra's Divorce
There is an unwritten rule of girl code that states: If I am beefing with someone then WE are beefing with someone. Ma'am, you do not get to claim that you're being there for your friend and then hide her ex's stuff in your garage. You should have told your husband that because Phaedra is your friend, Apollo would need to find somewhere else to place his things. I can absolutely understand why Phaedra was hurt. That level of shadiness is when I knew that Kandi reached an all-new low.
2. The So-So Def Reunion
More then twenty years ago, Jermaine Dupri helped to jump start your career. The least you could do is rehearse with the other girls and honor his legacy. As the head of So-So Def, I'm sure he sacrificed for you many times. You mean that you couldn't sacrifice a few hours for a 20 minutes set for the man who helped to catapult you into stardom? And you wouldn't do this because of a radio interview that one of the other members of the group did? JD is supposed to be your friend, but you couldn't stop being petty long enough to be appreciative. Really?
1. When Momma Joyce Disrespected Todd Tucker
It is A-MAZ-ING to me that Kandi popped off in her office to Shamea and Don Juan when she felt that Todd was being disrespected during this episode with RHOA. I mean, the turn up was real. She was ready to go in on Porsha and Phaedra.
Where was all that turn up when her mother was saying how Todd Tucker was such a low-life “thousandaire?”
How can you get mad at Phaedra and Porsha for having a conversation about a situation, but you barely address it when you mother publicly defamed your husband, his late mother AND his late father. Your mother called his mother a prostitute. You didn't say boo. But now you want to defend your man? Girl, bye.
Don't be too quick to judge Ms. Kandi, Beloveds (in my best Iyanla voice). Every situation we witness is a lesson learned. Kandi's multiple brushes of shady friendship are a perfect example of how regular friends are treating each other every day. You can't want Kandi to be a better friend without also looking in the mirror at what type of friend you are. Are you doing the little things consistently that builds trust with your friends?
I'm going to pass on a little nugget I got from author Brene Brown. This is her acronym for trust. She says that trust doesn't come from the grand gestures. It comes from the little things that we do consistently for the people we love. Being someone's friend requires :
B – Boundaries
R – Reliability
A – Accountability (not only do I have to own my mistake, apologize for it and make amends, true accountability means I have to allow you the right to do the same.
V – Vault (ability to hold all secrets, not just your friend's. )
I - Integrity
N – Non-judgmental
G – Generosity
Ms. Kandi might be the shadiest of them all, but she isn't the only palm tree on the island. Her public displays of disloyalty give us all a chance to check ourselves on our own friendship fails.
I want to hear from you....what's your shadiest friendship moment?